Positivity

Today has not been the best of days. I did not sleep well, I woke up and went back to sleep and woke up again with my head all over the place. It has been hot and uncomfortable. I went out and I probably shouldn’t have. I read more of Harry Potter than I should have. I ate something that I reacted to because my throat swelled. Not a lot, enough that I can feel it and swallowing is difficult. And I don’t kow what caused it because it is all things I have eaten before.

Anyway my point is trying to find positivity in today. It is hard.

I can be positive through pain. I can find positivity through the mundane. I can see beauty in the moon in the day sky. I find beauty everywhere and in everyone.

I see the good in people. I see the bad. I see their beauty and their ugliness, inside and out. I see them judging me and offer no judgement in return. I defend myself when necessaryml, I let others defend me when I need them to.

Some days are tough. Finding the good in today was one of those tough days. Not even my nephew and family, the sunshine and the beach could get me out of the funk.

I found no beauty in the people I passed. No joy in the sunshine, no happiness in my laughter. I found myself falling silent, wishing I was at home. Wishing I could be happy today, even for a moment, wishing I could be painfree and carefree. Wishing… always wishing and never getting.

Today I have no belief. I have no foundation to lay my thoughts at. I am melancholy.

I shall sleep and wake up tomorrow anew. For “tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it. Yet.”* Take care of you.

 

 

*Anne of Green Gables

Hidden

I think I started a M.E. flare a couple of days ago. In the evening, gradually coming on over the afternoon, and I just lay on the sofa for about 2 hours before I dragged myself to bed at 10.30pm.

And a comment made to me “why didn’t you go to bed earlier?” made me realise something. Either, I haven’t had an M.E. flare in so long that the signs are unrecognisable to others, or (and this seems more likely) I have hidden my flare symptoms so well that others can’t tell when I’m in one.

Anyway, I saw Hidden Figures today. Brilliant film. So sad that is has taken this long to get their story told. But it has been told. And that is important. It’s a gentle sort of film, beautifully told and well acted.

I kind of wish, though, that there are films (in mainstream media) about the disabled people who have helped historic events, or even caused them. The only one I know of is the Theory of Everything. You guys know of any?

Take care of you ❤

Zzzzzzzz

I pushed my limits today.

Walked at longer than expected. And had a late night watching the tennis (and I only got to the 3rd set!) So I think tomorrow will be a rest day.

With darts and tennis and Gilmore Girls.

I may have an early night, but I may watch the tennis for a bit as well. Do better than me and take care of you.

Superpower.

I read this today: Chronically Whole. Sickness is your superpower.

And you know what? It absolutely is.

I won’t say anymore and today, don’t read my words. Read theirs. And as always, take care of you.

Swarm of ducks!

Yes, I know the collective noun for ducks (on the ground) is a badling but swarm is more acccurate.

Mum and I took my nephew to the park today to feed the ducks. We got there, walked down the path, opened the bag and the ducks came. Like an army, a swarm… an invasion!

They came all around us, pecking our feet and they followed us for a while after we just tossed the food and ran. It was hilarious. Hopefuly my nephew will not have an irrational fear of ducks from now on… he did manage to grab hold of 2 whoops.

But we survived the duck tsumani*.

Take care of you! And beware the ducks! 😉

 

*I may be hyberolating here but there were at least 50 ducks.

Bitten!

So I got bitten by a mosquito yesterday. Once on my shin and once on my thigh. The one on my thigh is red, raised and itchy like mosquito bites usually are.  About a 1cm diameter circle.

The one on my shin, however, is massive and angry looking, swollen-it looks like a massive lump on my leg- and it hurts and irritates rather than itches.

I don’t know why on is normal and the other isn’t but they are both driving me crazy. Don’t worry I’m resisting itching.

Take care of you.

DIY

I did some DIY today. Well helped my dad put together a trike for my nephew. I feel very successful. And tired. Hammering is hard work.

But I had fun and could bond a bit with my dad. So I am going to have a cup of tea and watch the tennis. Then bed. Take care of you.

Cinnamon!

I did some baking today and successfully made (for the first time) cinnamon scrolls.

And good lord they were good, and gluten free.

Baking is my happy place. I still went on the bike and now my legs are sore. I’m hoping resting overnight with 2XU compression tights will help enough that I don’t end up in a flare up tomorrow. Or unable to walk.

Take care of you.

 

Drama Queen

So I may have been a bit over-dramatic about the burning cream. It did hurt, but I’ve had worse.

I’ve been on the exer-cycle every day for the past week, just for 5 minutes and I feel good. I’m not suffering any sort of flare up. I still drink a glass of water when I wake up each morning and meditating every night, after I read a chapter of my book.

This is good. I’m keeping up my progress and I’m rather proud of myself for it. It’s so much easier to not do things, rather than to do them. But I am doing them.

Take care of you.

Chapter by chapter.

I’ve started reading again! I stopped because it took a lot more concentration than I had. But I have started re-reading Harry Potter a chapter a day.

Its fun so far. Take care of you.