Sonnet 17

So I have a test tomorrow and a quiz due for the same paper at uni. Fun times. Had my tutorial today and could not concentrate. I had a headache and my shoulder/arm was sore I ended up writing a sonnet. Only its less of a sonnet in technical terms and more of a poem.

This is what I spent 1 hour doing instead of calculations.

Sonnet 178

The letters all blur into one

The numbers cannot be done.
 
I can’t think straight
I don’t care about interest rate.
 
Painkillers get me through
A tedious  test or two.
 
My head pounds.
The volume of sounds
 
Is loud and screeching.
I am almost sleeping.
 
Two hours are lasting forever.
I want to do this never
 
Again. It is the worst.
My calculator’s cursed.
Take care of you.

Perspective

I have lost all perspective. This arm pain feels like the worst pain I have ever been in. Probably because I cannot rest it.

I still have to cook dinner eberynight. Nobody has even offered to do it. Do they not see the pain I’m in? Do they not see me barely moving my arm? Do they not see me popping paracetamol every 4 hours?

The assumption is that I will cook. Well I don’t want to. I want to rest and cry and not have this bloody arm hurt so much. Is that too much to ask?

I don’t need this on top of the stress from uni. Breaking point seems much closer yet still far away. I am made of stern stuff and sometimes I wish i wasn’t.

By a thread

I am barely holding it together. I just want to cry and sob and curl under my blankets never to come out.

I sat in my lecture today feeling more and more overwhelmed by the minute. I almost cried. And when the 2hours were up I could hardly move my hand. I went to 3 bathrooms in 3 buildings to find hot water to loosen it up and move it.

Ny right hand, arm, shoulder., neck is a mess and my normal physio isn’t working at the practice she is doing a sports clinic so I don’t know what to do about that … or my test ot anything.

I just wish it was over.

Best laid plans and what not

So I have not done so well at posting daily.

I am seriously struggling with uni. I am so confused and don’t understand what I have already been taught and it more is being piled on each week.

I am overwhelmed.

I have had a tension headache for 3 days, my shoulders are tight, my right arm is tight and sore and I’m not sleeping well and it is all getting on top of me.

I have a quiz due April 1st and a test on april 1st and I’m going to see the new Beauty and the Beast (no spoilers) it doesn’t come out until the 30th here.

I am not sure what my breaking point is but I think I am near it.

Take care of you.

i have them all

I have all 365 things I need. Spent a good hour or so this afternoon cutting 375 (I made extras in case of mistakes) pieces of paper to the same size that can be folded over and still be big enough to write on.

I just need to write them. And find a jar. My dad is printing out a label if sorts at work for me tomorrow. Its all coming together nicely.

Take care of you

30

I need 30 more ‘inspirational’, ‘just be you’, ‘motivating’ quotes.

Have you got any favourites? Be they from book, movie, song, blog or just your own personal mantra let me know! Please *insert puppy eyes here*

Take care of you

365

So I found this neat idea for a gift. Write down on pieces of paper memories, what you love about someone, quotes or whatever and fold them up put them in a jar and now the person has 365 things to read. One for each day of the year. I have started this for my sister for her borthday next month only… I am at 82 quotes and things I love about her and I am stuck. This is bad right? I have no ‘remember when…’ section because I cam’t remember anything. This is harder than I thought. Any ideas?

Take care of you.

Awake

Its 12.20am and I am wide awake. I don’t feel tired. I don’t feel ready to sleep.

This means tomorrow (technically today) will be a nightmare.

On to other things. Its my sisters birthday next month. A milestone one and I have no idea what to get her. There is not much she wants (other than furniture) and anything I think of is too expensive to actually be an option…

Take care of you.

Profound

Have you ever read something that just reached out to you? Like the author knew your struggles and wrote them down for you. Or something that just moves you? Something profound. That you relate you. Or just love for no reason other than it makes you feel.

I have a few things like this. The most recent is Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
      Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
      For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
      I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
      My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
      Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
      Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
      How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
      I am the captain of my soul.

 

It makes me want to write. But at the same time, I don’t think anything I could write would measure up to it. It’s beautiful. Like Henley is reaching out across time, through pages and years, to hold my hand. Pat it whilst saying ‘I understand. I get you.’

Reading this makes me feel strong and proud, and I don’t know why. Perhaps he is right. I am unconquerable. I am the captain of my soul.

What books/poems/songs etc make you feel?

Take care of you.

Birthday cake and other problems

So this is a few days late but I had a disaster.

I made my nephew’s birthday cake and to save my mum from decorating it the day she walked off a plane at 6am I decorated it. Or tried to. It was terrible. I mean really terrible. So I made another cake for her to ice with fondant.

I had made the animals to go on top. And we got it done and he was pleased. As were his parents.

But now I am having a mild flare up. I have a new pain in my hand where my thumb and hand bones meet, just under the knuckle all the way up the index finger. Now my forearms are burning and my wrists, both of them, are high in pain.

So resting for a day. Take care of you.