Judgy…

So I realised today that unconsciously I having been judging people based upon standards that I get very passionate about not being judged. Does that make sense?

My sister has migraines and comes home quite often from work saying she has a headache and takes paracetamol. I silently and subconscioisly judge her for doing so. I think she should take a non-medicated route to ease the headaches, drink more water (in summer and high humidity it is an option, especially when she doesn’t always do so), destress (easier said than done), relax (hard but she could do this on weekends more often), meditate…

I hate when people tell me to do those things. Or tell me to not pop pills even  I wait until the last possible moment because of the worried looks I get. When I go through 200 paracetamol in about 3-4months it sounds a little bad. Desperate even, maybe I am though. Desperate to stop the pain.

I am a terrible judgy hypocritical person and I am ashamed of myself for it. I silently (and publicly though she does not know about this blog) apologise to my sister for the times I have unconsciously judged her self-medicating.

I saw a little girl fall over. She wasn’t hurt but mostly shocked and she really cried. When my nephew hurts himself I wait until he reacts before I do. I don’t rush over to him or pick him up or cuddle him unless he cries or comes lookong for it. I kiss him better when others pick him up and he tends to wriggle free (unless its a major hurt)… I am incredibly unsympathetic to other peoples’ pain.

Those little bumps don’t register on my scale. Yes the fibro makes things hurt worse but I do my best to ignore it because people (my family and friends) don’t seem to realise or remember that’s part of fibro… making any pain more painful. On top of the general overall pain affecting 100% of the body 100% of the time.

I sometimes feel like if you can’t acknowledge my pain, why should I acknowledge yours? Then I remember I hide how much pain I am in. Even on those days it is noticable and I push through they don’t know how bad it actually is.

Tale care of you.

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